Loss and Grief : T2 article Dated 1st June 2014.

Almost every day, Anamika, an independent- minded working woman in her 30s, tells her friends about how her marriage has become a living hell. Her husband is abusive and unconcerned about her. She has been thinking about walking out on him for the past five years, but has not yet been able to take even the first step. The solution looks pretty simple: she should separate from her husband and move on. But since she is unable to do that, it's quite possible that Anamika is actually grieving over the loss of her idea of a " happily ever after". We generally associate grief with loss, in the form of the death of a loved one. But grief can be the outcome of various kinds of losses, like what Anamika is going through, or retirement, loss of job, selling and moving house, loss of a dream or, for that matter, any kind of change. The intensity of our emotions depends on how significant the loss is to us personally. Psychiatrist Elisabeth Kübler Ross described the process of loss as going though five stages:  1. Denial:  Denial is refusing to acknowledge that a particular situation has occurred. " This is not real/ permanent" is the dominant thought. People go about their lives as though nothing has changed for them. In case the loss involves the death of a loved one, we may avoid acknowledging it completely. 2. Anger:  The intensity of the pain of loss comes out as anger, which may be directed at oneself, at loved ones or even God! Anamika might feel, " I deserve to suffer as I fell in love with this person". Severe manifestation of this feeling could be self- harm and self destructiveness. If it's directed at the husband, the thought could be, " I will stay in this marriage and make him suffer just as he has made me suffer." Or it could be: " God created this and now He will sort this out for me." Anger often creates deep resentments if not healed. It can cloud our judgement and take us away from reality. 3. Bargaining:  In this stage, we try and hold on to the situation as we see it. And we are willing to pay a price too. So, there maybe an attempt to strike a deal with God: " If you make it go away, then I will…" Anamika might mentally agree to quit her job " as a price" since that was what had " kept me from giving full attention to my husband". 4. Depression:  A sense of hopelessness takes over in this stage. Often one experiences intense sadness. Lack of motivation to do anything is common. This is a stage when one might need a friend, not to give advice, but just to lend an ear or a shoulder... to reach out. In this stage, talking and expressing the sadness helps. One might not be able to take an active step but the mourning actually helps as a preparation to accept the reality. 5. Acceptance:  This is the stage when one is ready for a resolution. There is an acceptance of the loss. One makes peace with what has happened. It does not mean that we are happy, but that we have reached an inner calm. This is the most empowered state, where one can rationally choose the next step. There is more focus on " what needs to be done" than " why it happened".  The process of grieving does not follow a linear course. It has its ups and downs. People who are grieving typically have good days and bad days. The important thing to remember is that it is normal and all right to feel the way you are feeling. And that it will get better. Be patient with your emotions.   The pain does not go away faster if you ignore it. It is more likely to intensify. Be comfortable with your true feelings.   You do not have to put up a brave face or be strong in front of family and friends. It is normal and okay to feel pain and sadness, be lonely and scared. Crying does not mean you are weak. It is also not true that if you don't cry, you do not feel as intensely as others. Be open to communicate how you are feeling. Sharing and seeking support helps us cope. We all have our own ways of expressing grief and they are all right. It is also possible to resolve grief without going through any of these stages. Just try to be in touch with the reality of " what is". The late poet Maya Angelou had said: " We delight in the beauty of the butterfly, but rarely admit the changes it has gone through." The secret of healing lies in allowing and admitting the changes. Dr Sangbarta Chattopadhyay and Dr Namita Bhuta are medical practitioners, psychotherapists and life coaches Share your problems with them at dr. sangbarta@ gmail. com http://epaper.telegraphindia.com/paper

Vulnerability : T2 Article dated 19th May, 2014

Rangan, a very articulate, confident- looking young professional with ' I- care- adamn' attitude, admits in a session: " I put up a big facade. I like to think of myself as flamboyant, confident and a huge showman. And I project an image which is larger than life but deep within I am actually ashamed of my ordinariness. I am scared of being rejected. I am lonely and vulnerable and can't take the risk of getting hurt." Rangan was addressing his relationship with his wife, and childhood sweetheart, Ritu. He was finding it extremely difficult to admit his faults and reach out to her. Ritu, on the other hand, could only see the rude, aggressive, and ' not emotional' Rangan. She had distanced herself from him.
We all have a Rangan inside us.
Somewhere deep down, we are really uncomfortable with our own ' weaknesses', our helplessness and vulnerabilities. Maybe our rude, aggressive behaviour is a mask that we wear to hide the feelings of our own perceived inadequacies. The fear of getting hurt might be so great that we wall off our vulnerable or ' weak' aspect. In turn we close ourselves to love, human connections and openness. This prevents us from creating real connections or being fully present in our current and future relationships.

Brené Brown, sociologist and author of Daring Greatly: How the Courage to Be Vulnerable Transforms the Way We Live, Love, Parent, and Lead , says, " Vulnerability is the core of shame and fear and our struggle for worthiness, but it appears that it's also the birthplace of joy, of creativity, of belonging, of love". The word courage comes from the old French word ' corage' meaning ' heart's innermost feelings'. In middle English it was used broadly for ' what is in one's mind or thoughts'. If we can simply master the courage to acknowledge our own imperfections, vulnerabilities, our fallibility, our triumphs as well as our losses, if we can embrace our strength and our weaknesses and be all right with them without judgement, we will be in a better place. More peaceful within and more open towards others.

What it means is that we acknowledge and accept ourselves in totality. We need to break down the walls of our internal defences even at the risk of getting hurt. We need to live wholeheartedly, wholesomely and fully. That's what being alive truly means.

Here are three steps to get started on embracing yourself with your warts... 

Allow your emotions to touch your heart :

We cannot selectively numb pain, hurt, sadness, and feelings of misery, while at the same time feel happy and meaningful. Do not judge your emotions ( we only judge the negative ones). If you are suppressing or denying your emotions, you are also disconnecting from yourself.

Acknowledge them without judgement and with kindness.
Only then can you look beyond the emotions and understand the deeper thoughts behind them, thus allowing yourself to gain a new perspective.

Be patient, be truthful to yourself :

Be patient with yourself. At least once a week, take time to introspect. The problem is not that we can fool the world; it is that we fool ourselves the most. Being truthful to yourself can take you to your darkest space. It means facing your worst fears. It can be tough, so hang in there. Becoming more aware of your feelings and thoughts is work in progress.

Be compassionate towards others :

If you find it hard to acknowledge your vulnerable side, then perhaps you can start by becoming more patient, nonjudgemental, compassionate and kind towards others. This is a huge favour that you can do to yourself. The attitude with which you approach others may also become the attitude towards yourself.

Being compassionate towards others and oneself without shirking one's responsibilities makes it easier to find solace.

Inward or outwards, the journey is the same and so is the destination.

The poet Walt Whitman spoke about his so succinctly...

I am not the poet of goodness only,
I do not decline to be the Poet of wickedness also.

Dr Sangbarta Chattopadhyay and Dr Namita Bhuta are medical practitioners, psychotherapists and life coaches. You can mail them at: 

dr.sangbarta@gmail.com

http://epaper.telegraphindia.com/paper 

Mind-Body Connection 2: T2 article dated 4th May 2014

Ever wondered if it might be possible that the nagging cough and cold you have could be stemming from the emotional conflict you are suffering? Or that the masseur at the spa was right when she said " you have too much stress" when your shoulders started hurting as she massaged the area.

As far back as the end of the 19th century, American philosopher William James had remarked that 'no mental modification ever occurs which is not accompanied or followed by a bodily change'. The stage was set for new research into the effects of the mind on the body in 1975 with Robert Ader's discoveries. Ader, an American psychologist, successfully demonstrated that our body's immune responses could be modified by classical conditioning. Which means, there were connections between the brain and the immune system, and the mind could have a profound effect on the body's functions that were thought to be independent.

The view is supported by various new- age alternative medicine practitioners, who are coming up with different theories.

Louise L. Hay, the author of the best- selling book You Can Heal Your Life , believes that every disease stems from some negative emotion or thought. Often we are not even aware of these. She believes that by correcting these thoughts and emotions, the disease can be checked or reversed. According to her, for example, for spine- related diseases, the corresponding thought could be related to lack of support in life. A balancing thought or feeling of ' I am supported by life' can heal the problem. Similarly, a simple acne could be due to a thought related to ' not accepting oneself ', and a balanced thought like ' I love and approve myself ' could help improve the condition. Hay says that every person needs to be examined and understood to reach the emotional ' diagnoses' of the diseases. What she shares in her books are broad generalised guidelines.

Dr Ryke Geerd Hamer, a controversial medical practitioner and the founder of ' German new medicine', researched almost 15,000 cancer patients and found that the genesis of cancer always happens first on the emotional plane from a personal experience of an extremely brutal shock, a dramatic and acute conflict, experienced in loneliness and sensed by the patient as the most serious he has ever known.

Dr Hamer summed up his research with this sentence: " I searched for cancer in the cell and I have found it in the form of a wrong coding in the brain." Though the Swiss Cancer League describes Dr Hamer's approach as dangerous, as it creates a ' false sense of security', there are many takers for his approach all over Europe.

Psychologist Guang Yue, at Cleveland Clinic Foundation in Ohio, conducted a curious study which showed that just by focused thinking and trained visualisation, we can The Five Koshas Anandamaya Vigyanmaya Manomaya Pranamaya Annamaya

gain half the muscle strength as any regular gym- goer in the same amount of time.

As a concept, though, the mindbody connection has been around for thousands of years. Ayurveda, one of the most ancient practices of medicine, explains it as a harmony between the three doshas or humours, which are influenced by physical and psychological factors.

Yoga says that we all have five koshas or 'bodies' — annamaya kosha or physical body, pranamaya kosha or vital energy body, manomaya kosha or mental body, vigyanmaya kosha or knowledge body and anandamaya kosha or bliss body. These ' bodies' influence one another and influence our health — mental as well as physical. Other ancient healing modalities like acupuncture, acupressure and traditional Chinese medicine focus on the ' energy body' as the access point of our physical body.

Homoeopathy, too, recognises the psychological plane of diseases.

A renowned maxillofacial surgeon in Calcutta once told us while chatting that the moment he sees a tumour he ' knows' the social background, the mental make- up and domestic conditions of the person. According to him, they follow a pattern. The tumour for him is a window to his patient's mind and soul.

The connection between the mind and body is real. And perhaps it's time we took it seriously. If we really want to take care of our ourselves, we need to take care of our thoughts and emotions, not just our body.

Dr Sangbarta Chattopadhyay and Dr Namita Bhuta are medical practitioners, psychotherapists and life coaches 

Share your problems with them at dr. sangbarta@ gmail. com

http://epaper.telegraphindia.com/paper

Mind and Body: T2 article dated 20th April 2014

Google 'pseudocyesis'. Commonly known as false pregnancy, it is a fascinating condition.

Women who intensely desire to be mothers but are unable to conceive may develop this condition, where their mind tricks their physical body into believing that they are pregnant. Physiologically, the body mimics the symptoms of pregnancy, such as distension of abdomen, interruption of the menstrual period, changes in the breasts, changes in the cervix, morning sickness and weight gain.

This condition was pretty common before pregnancy tests and ultrasonography came into vogue, and even seasoned obstetricians would sometimes fail to catch the ' con'. Just think about it — if our mind can conjure something as complex as pregnancy and trick our body to initiate the multi- level chemical changes to produce these symptoms, do we really understand how powerful our mind is? And how profoundly it affects, not only our thoughts, behaviour and choices, but also our body? A man wanted to bring his 63- year- old father to us for therapy. At that time, a display board at the place where we practiced read, ' We care for your mental well-being'. The father refused to walk in and left shouting at his son, 'I am not mental'. There is too much fear and taboo attached to

issues related to 'mental health'. Unfortunately, we ignore our emotions and disregard our mental state as having very little or no effect on us.

WHO defines health as 'a state of complete physical, mental, and social well- being and not merely the absence of disease or infirmity'. We all know that when we are happy we feel physically charged up and healthy, and when we are sad we feel low and down. Our body is constantly responding to our mind. There are more and more researches showing that diseases have a mental- emotional component. This has led to a new branch of medicine called Mind Body Medicine, which uses the power of thoughts and emotions to influence physical health.

All the commonly heard diseases, like diabetes, hypertension, coronary heart disease and atherosclerosis, are stress- related. The factor causing or aggravating them is long- standing mental and emotional stress. New studies show that contrary to popular belief, most allergies and chronic pain, especially lower back pain, are caused or aggravated by psychological factors. Medication combined with mind- body techniques has shown better results in treatment than just medication alone.

These techniques encourage relaxation, improve coping skills, reduce tension and pain, and in turn lessen the need for medication in various diseases like high- blood pressure,

pressure, coronary heart disease, asthma, cancer, obesity, pain and nausea/ vomiting related to chemotherapy, insomnia, diabetes, stomach and intestinal problems ( including indigestion, irritable bowel syndrome, constipation, diarrhoea, ulcerative colitis, heartburn, and Crohn's disease), fibromyalgia, and menopausal symptoms such as hot flashes, depression and irritability.

In 1989, a clinical study by David Spiegel, MD, at Stanford University School of Medicine demonstrated the power of emotional support to heal. Of 86 women with late- stage breast cancer, half received standard medical care while the other half received standard care plus weekly emotional support sessions. In these sessions, the women were able to share both their grief and their triumphs. Spiegel discovered that the women who participated in the social support group lived twice as long as the women who did not.

Simple relaxation techniques, practice of gratitude and compassion, practice of ancient traditions like yoga, meditation and t'ai- chi which help calm the mind, are gaining more and more interest from research scholars from prestigious medical schools in pursuit of health and happiness.

Dr Dean Ornish's work has proved that comprehensive lifestyle changes along with yoga, meditation and a lowfat diet can actually reverse the changes in the artery in coronary heart disease patients, traditionally considered irreversible. Clinical trials of Dr Ornish's work show better results than the more mainstream treatment modalities like bypass surgery and angioplasty. His current research shows that a relaxed and stress- free lifestyle can ' turn on' disease- preventing genes and ' turn off' disease- causing genes in the human body.

Our mind can be a wonderful ally or a vicious foe, depending on how we treat it. If we want to stay healthy and find happiness, we need to gather courage to look within to be aware of and acknowledge our emotions.

Only then will we be able to befriend our mind. That's what we can try to achieve. At the least we can try.

Dr Sangbarta Chattopadhyay and Dr Namita Bhuta are medical practitioners, psychotherapists and life coaches Share your problems with them at 

dr.sangbarta@ gmail. com

http://epaper.telegraphindia.com

Life as Meditation: T2 Article dated 6th April 2004

It was a hectic week for us. Our teacher, whom we consider an exceptional human being, needed emergency neurosurgery.Over the past two- three weeks, we had been noticing a few changes in him. He told us that he was not enjoying playing the sitar, an instrument that he has played every day for more than six decades, because the strokes were not perfect. He was finding it a little difficult to keep track of the rhythm. He complained that his handwriting was changing. His very sharp mind was not at its best. We dreaded that it could be an irreversible neurological condition. Of course his ever- infectious positivity, sage- like peacefulness and wit made us hopeful and created a certain scope of denial for us. He is 82 years old, so these not- so- obvious symptoms can easily be mistaken as part of a normal ageing process. We suggested to the family members that a neurological consultation was necessary. However, in retrospect we find ourselves questioning if we pushed hard enough. Could we have pushed harder for a neurological scan had we been more objective? Was it possible that a part of us did not want to face what really might be in store? Of course, there was nothing that we could have done that would have changed the outcome. So, what really happens to us when we are faced with a crisis? Do we really see the situation as it is? Or do we respond to the memories of experiences that we have had in the past? And based on these experiences, we try to pre- empt the future outcome? What happens in this process is that we are constantly vacillating between ' what has been' and ' what will be', and are not present for ' what is'. In 2000, pscychologist Joseph Tloczynski studied the changes in perception that accompany mindfulness meditation. He surmised: ' A person who meditates consequently perceives objects more as directly experienced stimuli and less as concepts.' In other words, meditation helps us to see experiences as they are happening in the now, rather than our perceptions of it. The purpose of any authentic meditation is to train and help us be in the NOW, to be better able to see and accept ' what is'. In her book The Blissful Brain , neuroscientist Shanida Natarajan says that a meditative procedure must meet five essential criteria: 1) It must involve a specific technique that is both defined and taught. 2) It must involve, at some stage, progressive muscle relaxation. 3) It must involve, at some stage, a reduction in logical processing. 4) It must be self- induced. 5) It must involve a tool, referred to as an ' anchor', that allows effective focus of the mind. A recent consensus definition of ' mindfulness', which essentially is any authentic meditative process, emphasises two complementary elements: the placement of attention on the immediate experience and adopting an open, curious, and accepting attitude toward that experience. In Indian philosophical texts, the five stages of mind in meditation are described as: 1) Mudha ( Ignorant) — Where one is ignorant of the reality. 2) Ksipta ( Agitated) — As we try to focus, our mind becomes restless, agitated and distracted. We compulsively feel the need to ' escape'. 3) Viksipta ( Scattered) — Our mind becomes scattered and random thoughts, memories take our awareness away from the present. 4) Ekagra ( Attentive) — Finally, we become focused and attentive. We observe more, listen more, and become aware of the present. 5) Nirruddhya ( Restrained) — We are in control of our mind. We know we are not the mind and we do not get swayed by emotions, by our needs or by our defences. We become more cognizant of ' what is' and we flow. Contrary to popular belief, authentic meditation does not consists of mere visualisation and surely does not advocate any dissociation from reality. Neither does it mean you have to be secluded in a room for endless hours. In fact, meditation teaches us to open up more to life itself, to become more objective and less interpretative. There are numerous benefits of mindfulness on issues ranging from medical to psychological — be it stress, anxiety, bipolar disorder, low self- esteem or overall life satisfaction to medical conditions like irritable bowel syndrome and psoriasis. It also reduces the likelihood of developing Alzheimer's in old age. If we consciously choose to be more present in the reality, be more aware of what is happening, observe more before concluding, listen more before interpreting, be open to experience rather than react... if we just try to lower our need to intellectualise all the time and be biased by our own judgements, perhaps life itself can become a meditation. We can then, perhaps ' flow' in life as well. Dr Sangbarta Chattopadhyay and Dr Namita Bhuta are medical practitioners, psychotherapists and life coaches Share your problems with them at  dr. sangbarta@ gmail. com  http://epaper.telegraphindia.com

Demand VS Expectation : T2 Article dated 23rd March,2014

No one saves us but ourselves. No one can and no one may. We ourselves must walk the path.       — The Buddha Something that the Buddha said 2,500 years ago is so relevant even today. In the chaotic lives we lead, what we need most is to be saved from ourselves. There's a plethora of books, movies, talk shows and newspaper columns focusing on things which would make us happy, healthy. We now have more options to ' do' things to be happy, more ways to ' mind' our thoughts to be successful, more diet options than we can explore in a lifetime. In fact, we are being for spoilt for choices. The same choices which are supposed to empower us to choose better and give us freedom, unfortunately, paralyse us. We postpone taking a decision and then often never make it. We know perhaps what would make us happy and what is good for us, but we won't do it, or push it back for another day. In his ground- breaking book The Paradox of Choices , American psychologist Barry Schwartz says how with more choices we have actually more reasons to doubt the efficacy of a single choice. A part of us always goes back to the other choices, other situations that did not happen. 'Things could have been better' becomes our mantra. We regret, and this regret takes away the happiness we get from the choices we make. Why is it so? Why can't we be happy with our life? Is it possible that we demand too much from life, from ourselves? When we make a choice, we constantly compare the outcome with the ' ideal' outcome that we imagined. Not only does it stop us from fully experiencing our life, it also creates ' had I done that' regret. We are almost hypnotising ourselves to believe that we are not happy because things didn't go as planned because we made poorer choices. We are constantly synthesising unhappiness inside us and what was once a gentle expectation has now become demand. One of the pioneers of Cognitive Behavioural Therapy and the founder of Rational Emotive Behaviour Therapy, Prof Albert Ellis distinguished between demands and expectations. A demand is that which we naturally express as ' must', ' should', ' have to'. We feel devastated, awful when demands are not met. And we overlook the other factors involved over which we have no control. We take it as a law that demands need to be fulfilled ' by any means'. On the contrary when we ' expect' something, we feel disappointed if it's not met. It is easier to let go of the expectation and move on. Distinguish between your demands and your expectations:  Unless you are already enlightened, don't try to convince yourself that you do not have expectations. It's human to expect, and However if this wreaks havoc on your mind and you cannot move on, then it's not an expectation anymore. It has become a demand. DIFFERENCE BETWEEN DEMAND AND EXPECTATION Demand: I must succeed no matter what. I can't even stand the thought of failure. Expectation: I want to succeed, and I put my best foot forward. If I fail it will be disappointing, but I will try harder. Demand: Everybody should always respect me. I cannot function when even one person shows disrespect. Expectation: I expect others to respect me, and it's disturbing when they do not. But I have no control over others; I can do whatever is doable for me and focus on my activities. Demand: My daughter should get maximum marks always, no matter what. I feel horrible as a mother if she does not. Expectation: I wish for my daughter to get excellent marks. It will be disappointing if she doesn't but she can try harder next time. Anyway, she is an excellent painter and a very wellbehaved kid. Challenge your demand: Try to counter all your ' must/ should/ have to', especially when they are causing disturbances within you. Make room for the ' if it does not happen' possibility. It might seem difficult, so be patient with yourself and keep challenging your demands. Practice acceptance: Choose to accept yourself as you are. You do not have to prove or establish your selfworth by ' doing', ' achieving' or being ' approved'. Train yourself for ' Unconditional Other Acceptance'. Whatever other people do and however abominably they act, you can always accept them. This does not mean you should not protest when it's necessary. Accept the sinner, not their sins. Try to acknowledge that you can tolerate what you don't like. You can look beyond the inconvenience of today and perhaps understand that your desires are not what you need , just what you want . Dr Sangbarta Chattopadhyay and Dr Namita Bhuta are medical practitioners, psychotherapists and life coaches. Share your problems with them at dr. sangbarta@ gmail. com http://epaper.telegraphindia.com/paper

Change: T2 article dated 9th March 2014

Humans are supposedly one of the most adaptive species; we all are biologically wired for change. Be it our bodies or our surroundings, change is the only constant. Life gives us enough opportunities to hone our skills to adapt to change — a promotion, a new job, getting married, having a child.

Yet we often find change uncomfortable or difficult. We resist it or shy away from it.

Fear of the 'unknown' grips us and the known devil seems more preferable. We find ourselves stuck in unrewarding relationships, depressing jobs, unsuitable places.

Our comfort zone becomes our cocoon where we find security at the risk of stagnation. Of course this comfort zone gets the better of us eventually; we get bored, we lose our aliveness. So on the one hand, we have this need for security; on the other, as intelligent beings, we need to learn and grow constantly. We need to be on our toes so that we are fully engaged in life and ' present' in every moment. Staying within our comfort zone, we slip into a state of inertia.

Prof Mihaly Csikszentmihalyi of the University of Chicago pointed out that we need challenges in our life. To feel happy, alive and excited or, as he describes it, to feel 'in the zone' our skill sets and the challenges need to be optimally balanced. Depending on the dynamics between these two components, there are different outcomes. If a challenge is met by the full use of your skill sets, you may feel 'arousal', excitement and 'flow'. When the challenge does not fully engage your skill sets, you may feel 'apathy', 'boredom' and often meaninglessness of life.

When the challenge is greater than your skill sets, it may lead to 'anxiety', ' worry' and stress.

So whether you acknowledge your life as a journey or think it's a hamster wheel or a roller- coaster ride, every now and then try to prepare yourself for change, and embrace change. If you practice being comfortable with change, when you actually face change — which you will sooner or later — you will be better equipped to handle it. Here are six steps to keep in mind... 

Change your perception about 'change': 

Change is not bad. It's an opportunity to learn. It might exasperate you initially as you are learning new skills, but if you hold on and trust yourself you will master the art and it will be rewarding.

Challenge your comfort zone: Keep a change diary. Every now and then, give yourself new challenges consciously. Pick up a new hobby, learn a language, and set new attainable goals. Make an effort to come out of your comfort zone. For example, if you are shy or introverted, once in a while push yourself to socialise, maybe go for a party even at the risk of feeling awkward. Give yourself a pat on the back for your effort to step out irrespective of the outcome.

Avoid avoidance: 

Don't fall prey to your mind's avoidance skills to escape change. Negate the excuses consciously and use your decision to come out of your comfort zone and acknowledge change.

Focus on solutions: 

Do not allow yourself to feel like a 'victim' of a change. Instead take charge and be proactive to learn the new skills required to adapt to the change. Be a part of the solution. Trust yourself and enjoy this learning period. Learn to relax, learn to let go of old habits. If you have already trained yourself to cope with small changes, you will find it easier to deal with bigger ones. If you have not, then have faith that life has already trained you to be in charge in the face of change.

Take stock of the new situation: 

Look at the changed situation in a non- biased manner. Avoid drawing parallels to known situations.

Understand the need of the situation. Let go of your past strategies and rules because they may not be applicable in this new situation.

Be kind to and patient with yourself:

Last and most importantly, be kind and patient to yourself. We all have a different pace to adapt to change.

Dr Sangbarta Chattopadhyay and Dr Namita Bhuta are medical practitioners, psychotherapists and life coaches Share your problems with them at dr.sangbarta@ gmail. com

http://epaper.telegraphindia.com/paper